Most people listen to respond.
The best communicators listen to understand.
They don’t push their agenda.
They guide the conversation.
They make the other person feel heard—while leading them exactly where they want them to go.
This is the difference between talking and influence.
Chris Voss, a former FBI negotiator, mastered this game.
His techniques aren’t just for hostage negotiations—they’re for persuasion, sales, leadership, and everyday conversations.
Here’s how to take control of any conversation—without force, manipulation, or aggression.
People love to feel understood.
Mirroring makes them feel like you’re on the same page—without you saying much at all.
Here’s how it works:
Example:
💬 “This project has way too many moving parts.”
🔄 “Too many moving parts?”
💬 “Yeah, it feels like every time we fix one thing, another issue pops up.”
They just handed you more insight—without resistance.
Mirroring lowers defenses and keeps conversations flowing.
When emotions are high, logic won’t break through.
But labeling emotions? That’s the shortcut to trust.
Example:
💬 “It seems like you’re frustrated with how this is going.”
💬 “Sounds like this project has been overwhelming.”
Why does this work?
Because people want to feel understood.
By labeling their emotions, you create connection—not conflict.
Most people fear hearing “no.”
Voss welcomes it.
When you push someone toward “yes” too fast, they feel pressured.
When you let them say “no,” they feel in control—and their resistance drops.
Instead of this:
💬 “Would you like to move forward?”
Try this:
💬 “Would it be ridiculous to explore this further?”
A simple shift in framing makes all the difference.
The wrong question makes people defensive.
The right question opens their mind.
Instead of making demands, ask questions that force them to think.
Examples:
These questions reframe the conversation.
They remove friction.
They put the other person in problem-solving mode—where they start convincing themselves.
Tone matters more than words.
The best negotiators speak slowly, calmly, and with certainty—like a late-night radio host.
Why?
Because confidence is contagious.
If you sound anxious, rushed, or aggressive, people resist you.
If you sound calm, in control, and slightly downward in tone, people trust you.
The way you speak determines how they react.
Most people hate silence.
They rush to fill it.
But silence creates pressure—and in that pressure, people reveal their true thoughts.
Try this:
They will fill the gap, often giving you more than they planned.
Most people force conversations.
The best communicators guide them.
Master these skills, and you’ll:
This isn’t about manipulation.
It’s about tactical conversations—where both sides win.