Ever had someone twist a situation so that your reaction becomes the problem, while their behavior—the very thing that triggered it—goes unaddressed?
It’s subtle. It’s manipulative. It makes you doubt yourself.
But here’s the real kicker: I do it too.
We all do.
It’s easy to spot manipulation in others.
It’s much harder to admit in ourselves.
We like to think we’re the “good ones.”
But when we refuse to acknowledge our own tendencies—our own need to control, to shift blame, to influence without realizing it—we push those behaviors into the subconscious.
They don’t disappear. They just operate in the dark.
Most people think manipulation is something others do.
But the truth?
The real problem? Our inability to see it within ourselves.
When we reject our own capacity for manipulation, we become more reactive when we see it in others.
That’s why we get angry.
Not just at them—but at the reflection of our own hidden behaviors.
I’ve noticed this in myself.
The more I deny my own tendency to manipulate, the more I react when I see it in others.
Instead of developing clarity, I engage in conflict.
Instead of seeing reality, I try to force it away.
That anger isn’t just about them.
It’s about what I’ve been avoiding in myself all along.
Here’s where everything shifts.
When you bring unconscious manipulation to light, it transforms into persuasion.
This is the difference between force and flow.
Every human has these tendencies.
The question isn’t “Am I manipulative?”
It’s “Am I aware of it?”
The moment you acknowledge your own patterns, you stop being triggered when you see them in others.
And suddenly, the game changes.
Catch the anger.
The next time someone triggers you, pause.
Ask yourself: Am I really angry at them, or am I seeing something I’ve been avoiding in myself?
Own your shadow.
Instead of rejecting your own tendencies, acknowledge them.
The more awareness you bring to them, the less power they have over you.
Transform force into flow.
Stop trying to control outcomes.
Learn to guide situations with clarity, persuasion, and intent.
Develop compassion.
When others manipulate, they’re likely operating from a place of unconsciousness.
Instead of engaging in conflict, step back and see it for what it is.
Whenever you feel triggered by someone else’s behavior, stop.
Ask yourself:
Is this really about them?
Or is this bringing up something I’ve been avoiding in myself?
Write it down. Observe the patterns.
And take one step to bring them into the light.
Because the hardest thing isn’t recognizing the truth about others.
It’s owning the truth about yourself.
And when you do?
And real influence begins.